My eyes peal open to reveal more darkness, i role my head over and free my hand from the thick layer of blankets holding it down to smack my alarm clock. my first thought is to silence the dang thing before it wakes my sister up from down the hall. By the time iv slid my legs from off the bed and under my up right body iv realized there is no sister down the hall, in fact the only people hear are 1 floor and 3 rooms away. I can blast music and they might not even hear it. I do just that. Today my fad song is Always on my mind by pet shop boys. I click play and the soothing sound rocks me to the mirror in my bathroom were i pretend I'm singing and laugh as i make faces while singing along with the best song of the week. These few minutes are my favorite because my mind for some reason cant remember all the crap from the day before. I pick up my tooth brush and i remember why i brush my teeth, why I'm so insecure with my teeth, why i fell a sleep feeling alone and dark. I spit out the foamy past into the sink and say to myself" this is your pain, this is your dark secrets, this is that one person that makes you want to put a bag over your face because they look 10 times better even when they feel 5 times worse." than i turn on the water and watch it all go down the sink.
The next task of my day is dressing myself. This proves to be harder than i remember. Only a year ago i would wake up put on my black shirt, mar pat pants, and boots than walk out the door. Now I'm different. Now I'm trying to be normal. Now I'm insecure with my hair, My face, heck I'm insecure with the things i think about. How have i gone from running from bullies to dressing and acting like the very people i wished dead." oh well" i say. Guess i just hated people that let them selves grow up." sorry peter pan" i say aloud jokingly. By now I'm walking Down the stares outside as i click the unlock button on my dads dodge truck. while i re-adjust the seat to my tiny semi slender body, a though... no... more like a dream starts to meander into my mind.
I turn the key in the truck and punch it into revers and stomp the gas. I plow over our neighbors cat as i peal out of the drive way. I punch it back to drive and drift on the ice past the stop sign and on my way to the school. On what i call the home stretch i blast The Zoo by scorpion from 2 speakers mounted in the bed of the truck. People run from there homes out to the street and walk along side my truck while pumping there fists in the air all the way to school.
I blink several times and shake the thought from my head and drive to school in a more realistic way. I pull into a parking spot 1 house distance from the seminary building. i turn off the radio and sit there in the still freezing car and prep myself for the even colder air outside. I pull the key from the car and jump out of the car onto ice and lock the car. I walk fast with bent knees all the way to 0 period. I reach the building and shiver and thank god for the snow and remember all the hot days i endured in San Diego. Than i laughed and called myself an ungrateful bugger and hobbled into seminary.
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